Puberty Isn’t the Problem—It’s the Anger Our Kids Have Nowhere to Put
We label it rebellion. We call it laziness. But what if your child’s silence, phone addiction, and refusal to go to school is really something else—an emotional scream we’ve all been trained to ignore
The Angry Silence of a Generation
You see it.
The slammed doors.
The blank stares.
The hours wasted scrolling on a glowing screen.
And somewhere deep inside, you ask:
What happened to my child?
They used to laugh, tell stories, ask endless questions.
Now they shut down.
Now they lash out.
Now they barely speak.
And yet—we don’t panic.
Because the world tells us, “It’s just puberty.”
But here’s the truth:
Puberty isn’t the problem. The real crisis is that our kids are drowning in unprocessed anger—and they have no idea what to do with it.
We Don’t Teach Boys (or Girls) What to Do with Rage
Think about how we raise children.
We teach them to say “thank you” and “I’m sorry.”
We teach them to color inside the lines.
We teach them not to cry in public, not to talk back, not to complain.
But who teaches them what to do when they’re furious?
When their world feels out of control?
When no one understands them and they don’t understand themselves?
Most kids—especially boys—learn this:
“If you’re angry, shut up. Or blow up. There is no in-between.”
So they bottle it.
Or they explode.
Or they vanish into TikTok, gaming, or complete silence—because being numb is easier than being misunderstood.
What Looks Like Rebellion Might Be Despair
We label the behavior:
“He’s lazy.”
“She’s addicted to her phone.”
“He’s failing at school.”
“She’s so disrespectful lately.”
But these are just surface symptoms.
Underneath, many adolescents feel:
Powerless in a world they can’t control.
Constantly judged but never truly seen.
Pressured to succeed but unequipped to cope.
And when they try to talk, what do we say?
“Stop being dramatic.”
“This isn’t a big deal.”
“When I was your age…”
“You just need to focus.”
“Grow up.”
So they stop talking.
They start scrolling.
And slowly, they disappear.
The Rage is Real—and It’s Valid
Anger is not a flaw. It’s a signal.
It means something’s wrong.
If we keep dismissing it, shaming it, or medicating it into silence, we’re not raising emotionally healthy kids—we’re raising emotionally repressed adults.
Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour puts it best:
“Adolescents don’t want to destroy everything. They want to make sense of everything. And anger is a compass—they’re begging us to help them read it.”
What Can You Do? (Even If You Feel Lost)
You don’t need a PhD to be your child’s emotional safe place.
You need five things:
1. Validate the Emotion, Even If You Don’t Understand It
Say things like:
“I can see that you're really upset.”
“You don’t have to have the right words—just help me understand.”
“It's okay to feel angry. I'm here.”
Rule: Validate before you advise.
2. Don’t Make It About You
When they say “I hate school” or “You don’t get it,” don’t turn it into an attack on your parenting.
It’s not personal. It’s pain.
Hold space for it.
3. Help Them Find a Physical Outlet for Their Rage
Anger needs movement.
Sports
Martial arts
Drumming
Journaling (yes, aggressively)
Even smashing ice cubes in the sink
Don’t suppress the energy—redirect it.
4. Model Emotional Honesty
Say:
“I was frustrated today and took a walk. It helped.”
“I used to bottle things up too. It made things worse.”
Let them see that emotion isn’t weakness—it’s intelligence in action.
5. Get Support (And Let Them Know It's Okay to Ask for It)
Sometimes they need someone who isn’t you.
A therapist. A coach. A trusted adult.
Normalize getting help.
Make it as normal as going to the dentist.
Final Thought: Don’t Wait Until They Break
The longer anger is buried, the more it metastasizes:
Into anxiety
Into depression
Into addiction
Into self-harm
Into violence
We don’t need to be perfect parents.
We just need to be present ones.
Curious. Brave. Imperfect. Consistent.
Because the kids you think are “acting out” aren’t trying to ruin your life.
They’re trying to survive theirs.
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